Lesson Two: Find your base
Without the right people, you will eventually lose yourself.
I’ve spent a lot of time chasing goals—career, fitness, business, money, becoming “more.” But sometimes in that pursuit, I forget to ask:
Who’s standing beside me while I build this life?
Not behind me.
Not dragging me.
Beside me.
In some sense, I think that’s a natural tension we all wrestle with. Being selfish probably has evolutionary roots tied to survival.
That doesn’t make it right.
Your Environment Is Your Potential
Success isn’t just what you do. It’s who you do it around.
It took me a while to realize this: I could have the best plans, the sharpest skills, and all the ambition in the world—but if I was surrounded by the wrong energy, I stalled out. My progress would get cloudy. My mind would start spinning in doubt.
It wasn’t the goals that were broken.
It was the base.
The right people make you dangerous in the best way.
The wrong people?
They dull your edge—slowly, quietly—until you forget what you’re even fighting for. Until you lose yourself.
Your Base Doesn’t Have to Be Big—It Has to Be Real
Find the people who hold you steady when you’re spinning.
Find the people who will tell you when you’re fucking up.
Find the people who celebrate your wins without secretly resenting them.
We romanticize huge support systems—entourages, mentors, masterminds—but most people who actually win are propped up by just a few. Not always loud. Not always visible. But loyal. Honest. Unshakable.
Sometimes, it’s one person.
For me, that person is my wife.
The One Who Sees You Before You See Yourself
Those words perfectly describe Mandy.
We’ve been together nearly 19 years. She is my person. My base. My forever.
I tried to quit her, but I couldn’t.
When I pissed away my time in high school and left myself with no options, I joined the Marine Corps. With that journey approaching—and no real clue what was coming—I broke up with her.
I told myself I was doing the right thing. That I didn’t want her to have to leave her life. That I was doing her a favor.
But the truth?
I was being selfish.
I didn’t want another failure on my part to be her downfall.
I doubted the decision before I made it. Every second after, I regretted it. Eventually, I called my grandma—someone who had the kind of marriage most people only dream about.
She asked me one simple question I still carry with me:
“Can you live your life without her?”
In the short term, you can convince yourself of anything. I could tell myself I’d be fine. But when I looked forward—five, ten, twenty years—I couldn’t picture a version of my life that didn’t have Mandy in it.
That might sound crazy. I was only 19. And most people didn’t think we’d make it.
But when I asked Mandy to get back together—and eventually to marry me—she said something I’ll never forget:
“My life is whatever it is, as long as it’s with you.”
Read that again.
Someone choosing to live their one life in whatever way it unfolds, as long as it’s alongside you.
I’m not deserving.
But I’m trying to be.
The Base Is the Man
What I’ve come to learn is that being “the man” doesn’t mean standing alone.
It means choosing wisely who you let into your foundation—and honoring them every chance you get.
Mandy is my mirror.
My fire extinguisher.
My hype team.
My sanity.
And because of her, I don’t just chase my goals—I hold them.
Be Careful Who You Let Build With You
Some people hand you bricks. Others chip at your foundation.
Your base matters more than your blueprint.
You can have every tactic in the world, but if the people around you don’t feed your purpose, you will burn out. Or worse, you’ll build a life that looks good on the outside but feels hollow as hell.
If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, find your base.
Before you chase the next goal, pause and look around.
Who’s with you?
Who’s really with you?
Find them.
Thank them.
Build with them.
Because the older I get, the more I realize:
Winning is great.
But winning with someone in your corner? That’s everything.